I love this quote:
Support the strong, give courage to the timid, remind the indifferent, and warn the opposed.
– Whitney Moore Young
It’s about community, allowing you to draw strength courage and inspiration from those who walk with you, and of course, change the minds of attitudes who need adjusting. Now, let’s go do that!
I came across the post “A Letter To My Doctor” today found on One Pink Balloon’s blog….. click HERE to read it.
These are some of the very words that I have said and/or felt, and if I haven’t, they are certainly the words of my fellow baby loss mamas. True, some of it pertains only to the doc, but there is much more that is helpful information for any loving friends and family who are at a loss of what to do/say.
There is no better feedback for anyone looking to support these mothers than what is here. So please, I beg you – read, understand what you can, and share.
Today is the day that I will both love and despise for the rest of my life. It’s my angel’s birthday and the reason that I am where I am today (for better most times, for worse every now and then). She would have been 3 today. I could choose to reside in depression about what I’ve lost, what our family is missing, what she would’ve could’ve or should’ve been doing now….. I’m an hour away from her gravesite, but I never felt much in the way of comfort there anyway. I could reminisce our short time with her by looking at my picture books dedicated to her, but her pictures are up in our home and I see those beautiful eyes every single day both in person and in my memories. Instead, like my goals with Tangerine Owl Project, I’m choosing to celebrate by “paying it forward” a bit by covering the cost of people’s morning cup of coffee….
What?! That’s silly, what does coffee have to do with an angel baby’s birthday or work for supporting families of NICU babies? Well nothing inherently – but it’s the little things….. that make the biggest impact.
My little 1.5 lb. wonder did so much for me in her 27 days on this earth, this pales in comparison. We dubbed her motto “go big or go home” because she didn’t do anything subtly. Preemies are said to be “small but mighty”. I feel like the Tangerine Owl Project is small but mighty too. We’re working one connection at a time, to make a difference in this world to the families that suffer in silence through the ups and downs of the NICU, or those who have experienced the same unimaginable loss and are trying to pick up the pieces. There’s a saying about being kind to everyone because you never know what battles they are fighting by themselves. Totally true.
Furthermore, coffee is my husband and I’s “thing”. We don’t do a whole lot of “out and about”, we rather prefer being homebodies or having friends over instead of big nights on the town. Our coffee dates are where we’ve had some of our most meaningful conversations – a time to truly disconnect from the world around and focus on just being us. The Tangerine Owl Project idea was created over coffee. It’s like a comfort zone for me. Yes, I am absolutely in need of caffeine to get my day started, but it’s so much more than that.
So the little things like simply making someone smile feels like the right way to honor someone that most of the world never got the chance to meet. Because she may have been gone for three years, but she’s far from forgotten, in fact, she should be known, because even from heaven, that girl is destined for great things.
XOXO Delilah, and Happy Birthday.
Today is the 3 year angelversary of my friend’s dear daughter Noelle. I have never met my friend in person….we have continued conversations online, via phone and text, but I share the bond with her of our lost daughters. I’d like to share a story with you –
On the day my daughter died, I got a facebook message from a friend of a co-worker. She didn’t know me, but she had seen my co-workers post about Delilah and sent me a message. Instantly I was amazed that a stranger had reached out and could already understand my pain that I couldn’t even yet put into words and also that she cared enough to message a complete stranger. It was a time when I needed someone who just understood. Her message was real, It was more than just ‘sorry for your loss’, she had been there done that having lost her little girl only 2 months prior, but she had put aside that pain in order to comfort someone else. I envy every bit of my friend’s strength and compassion, because I recognize exactly how much it must have taken to look over her own grief to try to help relieve someone else’s.
As such, I make every effort to replicate that gesture, because I swear if it hadn’t been for her, I may not have been able to recover. I think about her daughter often. We wonder if they’re playing together in heaven sometimes. We remind each other of happiness and beauty through our little girls and we needn’t speak of the sorrows, but if we need to, there is no doubt that we can lend a listening ear without question or pity.
So Noelle, happy angelversary to you my love – even though I never knew you, I am thinking of you today. I wish I had had a chance to know you. It seems that your mama and I were meant to cross paths and I hope that I can help take care of her when she needs it (on the days and months like today), just like she helped take care of me.
I didn’t take part in all the memes this Thanksgiving season, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to be thankful for. Everyday I watch others peoples worlds crumbling around me, and I remember when that time was mine…. Even with the extraordinary heartbreak that came with losing her, I am lucky to have had her, if only for a fleeting moment. I’m not always thankful, and we don’t always have to be. There is still room for sorrow, joy, confusion, anger, love, grieving and sometimes yes, even gratitude. Sometimes I need that reminder, and today I got one as I came across this. So as we close out November’s focus of saying and giving thanks, I’ll leave this image with you, in case it resonates.
This gorgeous image was one from a talented artist at Rose Hill Designs FB Page found here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rose-Hill-Designs-by-Heather-Stillufsen/108858199201084.