Happy Birthday baby girl. I never know exactly how I’m gonna feel on this day each year. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, it was overwhelming sadness at the piece of my heart missing. More recently it’s been a mixture of deep gratitude and wondering what you would’ve been like this year, as you turn eight. I think you would’ve idolized your sister & brother and they would’ve protected you. You three probably would’ve ganged up on me & daddy and since there are more of you, you’d win. BUT, this is just one of many alternate realities.
Today my reality is that there is still so much need to help mothers through their pregnancies and beyond whether their first or fifth child, it doesn’t matter. Each new pregnancy carries it’s own path to travel and each is a new story for the mother.
I’m about to start my 6th semester in my MSW, about half way through the program now, but I am certain now more than ever that having this knowledge and experience along with all that I’ve already learned (and will learn) outside my studies is going to do a world of good for The Tangerine Owl Project. As always you inspire me and only through this have I been able to be there for other mothers who are shut out by the rest of society when things don’t go picture perfect. Its Ok to not be Ok.
2020 Mom, who you know I’ve worked with for the past several years, has deemed 2020 the “Year of the Mother”. This is another year that we take on the social stigma, injustice, and the archaic policies that keep mothers from healing and take emotional tolls. I think it’s got a nice ring to it, no? Supporting mothers in allowing whatever they are feeling is so important, it was for me. Allowing them safe space to share and feel and vent and breakdown is imperative. So for now, that’s what I’ll do as I wait to finish my program so that I can make some more concrete change to the way we work with mothers during the perinatal period.
I thank you again (as I do on the daily) for being the one responsible for all of this. We miss you dearly and love you so much it hurts sometimes. I hope that you are proud of what I’ve been up to in your name, and I hope that you know you’re the inspiration that has allowed me to learn from others and to support them through their darkest and most confusing days.
We love you. Always.
It’s been six years since you inspired us to start the Tangerine Owl Project. Six whole years….. how can that be when I remember seeing you just like it was yesterday?
It’s been pretty quiet over here at the project lately, but that’s because your mama has gone back to school! I’m working to get my master’s degree in social work so that I can continue to help families who have lost their precious little ones like you. It’s a long process but it’s worth it, because when I’m done, the Tangerine Owl Project is going to be a place where mamas can go while they are pregnant and after when they need help with adjusting to life with a new precious little one or if they are heartbroken like me because their angel didn’t get to go home. It’ll be amazing, but it’ll be a few years before I get there. In the meantime, I do what I can to support others; You have always been the guiding light behind this and for that I am forever thankful.
Happy Birthday little girl. We love you fiercely & miss you everyday.
Hey MMH advocates,
Some of you may recall that I do some contract work for an amazing national non-profit called 2020 Mom. This org. is committed to Maternal Mental Health advocacy and will be convening this May and taking Capitol Hill by storm to raise awareness for Maternal Mental Health initiatives with each states local leaders. MOM CONGRESS!! I am planning to get out there and am hoping that you all may be moved to join us as well. We set appointments with our congressional representatives to make sure they know that MMH is important and what they can do to support mamas and families in their home states. I know, I know, face time with your legislative reps can seem a bit daunting, but they are people like you and I. As constituents, it’s our job to help tell them what we need so that they can do their job. Won’t you join us?
You can find a lot more info here: https://www.2020mom.org/mom-congress
I had the honor and pleasure to be invited to share my story on the Mom Deconstructed podcast! What an awesome experience to chat with these two lovely ladies. Check out my interview here: momdeconstructed.com/ep33
If you have suffered a loss, you have likely looked for ways to dull that hole in your heart…
Catharsis can come from many different avenues, one of which is writing your own truth. I am grateful and thankful to authors out there who explore what it means to love, lose, grieve and survive. One of which is author Jo-Ann Joseph. Jo-Ann has allowed me to contribute to an anthology collection for grieving hearts, called Footprints on the Heart.
From there, I suggested another collaboration meant to inspire with stories of all the beautiful things that have come after loss. The accomplishments and celebrations of resilience that can only be sparked by such loss and the will to take those feelings and drive them into something meaningful. Does this sound like you?
We have titled the work in progress Lost & Found: The Rainbow Effect, and we are searching for collaborators. Our aim is to include works from as many different people as possible, no writing experience is necessary – you are the expert in your life.
If you would like to learn more check out our Facebook page here for collaborators and connect with Jo-Ann or I. https://www.facebook.com/groups/500034830498330/
SO excited to announce that I have been invited and accepted to contribute to a book on dealing with pregnancy & infant loss that is meant to aid health professionals in understand how to better work with these parents.
The Book is called Our Only Time by Amie Lands and it will be out in just a few weeks!
(More info on the book here)
Its surreal to be in a space where I am viewed as an expert and where my experiences are noted in a platform different than an individual level when I am talking to other loss mamas. Each and every story has value and I don’t mean to negate any of that – the one on one work I do is just as rewarding to help mamas navigate grief, but building a name for myself and the Tangerine Owl Project in the world of care and insight for bereaved parents in the face of healthcare providers and other professionals is such a wonderful feeling.
Once again, I am honored to be thought of and I applaud Amie and the other contributors for continuing to give voice to these mamas, and to hope that my words may help comfort those going through their own hell by knowing they are not alone and by guiding those health care professionals with them at this time who are tasked with the damn near impossible and completely unnatural – walking with these families towards the death of their child and navigating the road after with them.
In the past few months, I have been working in tandem with numerous other professionals with a variety of backgrounds to contribute to online course material developed for professionals working in the NICU. This is a collaborative project between the National Perinatal Association, Patient+Family Care, & the Preemie Parent Alliance is called My NICU Network. I am honored and privileged to have been included in developing part of the curriculum that will be provided to NICU professionals to help them further understand and work with these unique families.
Providing perspective as an expert in the unit on Pallative / Bereavement Care on how to interact with bereaved parents or parents whose babies are expected not to make it has been very fulfilling. Not gonna lie, it was difficult to have to put myself back in that NICU room, back into the worst day of my life on an emotional level. I don’t often like to revisit it, but parents who have been through this can offer exceptional expertise on what can both aid and hinder relationships with professionals in the NICU. What are things that one may find helpful and consoling, what things should not be said and insight as to why seemingly innocuous or “supportive” words may not come across that way to someone in the crisis of torment, confusion, & grief. All together this is an awesome learning tool for those who don’t interact with these parents all the time and aren’t accustomed to or necessarily comfortable with the ins and outs of NICUs and all that go along with that experience for parents. It can be a challenging time for both care providers and families, so I’m thrilled to provide any insight that help to provide and guidance that makes navigating the process, along with the other wealth of information that is available through this course. Please share it with those who may find it beneficial in your networks.