Do you remember the time that you were at your worst? When you thought there was no more reason to attempt anything resembling a “normal” life? Do you remember feeling like you would never be able to crawl back out of the darkness and you didn’t even really want to try? How the pain and loss you felt overwhelmed you (and THAT is an understatement), and you couldn’t figure out how to get out of bed in the morning. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to cry, it hurt everywhere. Perhaps flashbacks were going through your head, perhaps you were feeling guilt in addition to the anger and sadness and desperately trying to find a way to turn back time so that something, anything would be different.
Hearing that “it gets better” doesn’t help when you can’t find your way through the next 10 minutes, so what about the right now, for those in this moment of blackness? Being able to let yourself process is the only way to muddle through these extraordinarily complicated feelings. What helped you process all your emotions?
I remember that time well- I did a lot of reading blogs and finding forums. I remember people saying “it gets better” but it didnt help. I didnt want it to get better- for me it seemed like it took away the realness of my daughter. What helped was hearing others recognize just how much my situation sucked, that life was so f*ing unfair. It also helped to read about people int he future still grieving- having their bad days. Their bad days were different from the intense grieving I was doing in the early days, but it helped me to know that others didnt just move on. Might seem rather dark, but that’s what helped!
Yep, I hear you there. Not really dark at all, because you want her to be remembered. There is a lifetime of remembrance for us, and that fear resonates in all of us I think – because of how dear they are to us, how can others forget something so important? Thank you for your comments Meghan.
I agree – what helped me finally was getting online and joining this blogging community of babyloss moms, finding people in similar spaces in their grief and knowing that I was not alone and that it was okay to feel that way, for a while at least. I was desperately grateful to find other mothers like me to vent and remember with. Losing a baby can be very isolating – so few of us know real live friends who have experienced it.