As I sit here on Mother’s Day, I am very aware of just how lovely and heartbreaking it can be for a mother of birth trauma and/or mamas who have suffered a loss of any kind. It’s a challenging co-existence. Much like pregnancy, the societal expectation for us is to celebrate our mothers and motherhood. In theory the concept works – honor the mother… and show her appreciation & love – but what about the struggling mamas?
Everyone has pain in their life, those who have lost their mothers, those whose relationships are strained, those whose moms aren’t involved in their lives, those who have lost children, what about those who are struggling with infertility? It’s almost like a slap in the face because they aren’t able to follow the impending protocol on these specialized. There’s no way to be inclusive of everyone, and there is no way to heal those whose hearts are broken again when this day comes. Every. Single. Year.
What about the mamas suffering from depression and anxiety – does this expectation and the inclination to celebrate her end up actually doing a disservice? It could bring up all sorts of fears and doubts, loneliness, pressures, and sadness. These could bring out the worst in her. All those who care about her want is to celebrate her, but all she can think about is how she has or is failing her children or family – True or not self-worth like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
Sometimes I wish that we would stop making such big dedications or at least not perpetuating the misleading view that life is experienced in the same way for all. You know what they say about good intentions…