I won’t offer remedies beyond that, because they may not actual remedy anything. You’re hurting, you’re angry, you’re agonizing, you’re swallowed whole with fear, anxiety, and/or depression. Your child is struggling with staying alive, your child is at the mercy of a ventilator and fate/luck/a religious entity, your child is gone, you are in the NICU watching, waiting. You’ve driven home with an empty carrier, or an empty womb, you’re numb. You’re alone……..or are you?
I’m not going to tell you to ignore those feelings, because they all make sense, even if they’re happening congruently and conflicting with each other. So if things are too much, first breathe. And then find someone who will cry, scream, sit in silence or at least join you as you curl up into a ball and ride the waves of emotion No fixing, no rationalizing, no justifying with meaningless crap, just being there in the moment with you.
Write it down here, you’ve got the undivided attention of at least one person (that would be me). Who am I? Maybe I’m a stranger to you, maybe we’ve met online through various sharing of experiences and emotions, or maybe you are my friend or family. But, it makes no difference. We’re out here in this world going through lousy things, together.